I have toyed with the idea of starting this blog for a long time. As a fairly successful blogger, with my own little corner of the internet already in place, it seemed silly. Why didn’t I just post everything I had to say on one blog? So I kept putting this off, thinking I would just post what I had to say where I was, but I rarely did.
I have just felt this pull, every morning after I got up and sat down by the fire with my bible.
See, faith used to be different for me. It used to be the most natural part of my day. At that time, I belonged to a church that felt like home. I had this community of amazing people around me who were educated, and fun, and still proud to have Jesus be the most important thing in their lives. I thought that was where I belonged.
But God had other plans for me. My life is now far away from that place, that church, and those people. I always thought that this was temporary, but as I enter my fourth year away, it’s become obvious that despite my prayers and defiant insistence, that’s not where I’m going to be.
Finding that type of community again isn’t as easy as I wish it was. I tried different churches, I tried to put down roots at one of them, but it hasn’t happened. I don’t have that community here. I love my friends here, but they don’t fill the void that comes with having other Christ followers beside you each day.
I have tried to convince myself that I don’t need it, but the truth is, God had a reason for the church. It wasn’t so Christians could live in their own little bubble. It was so they could support each other and hold each other accountable. Living life without that support, only getting advice from people who don’t have the same foundation as you, it wears on you. I fully believe the statement you become like the people you spend the most time with.
So each morning I spend time with Jesus and my bible before I let the craze of the day pull me in every direction. It keeps me grounded in the busyness and the chaos. But as I seek to better understand the ridiculous grace that is bestowed on me, day in and day out, I miss having a community.
So maybe I’ll throw my thoughts and my heart out onto the pages, as a writer does anyway. And maybe I will find it here. Smart, fabulous people who are just trying to live each day growing a little closer to God, like I am.